Family Portrait

Posted by bakerboy on May 3, 2010 | 2 comments

A divorce is like an amputation; you survive it, but there’s less of you. ~ Margaret Atwood

For as long as I can remember, the main thing I wanted out of life was to be a wife and a mother.  I have a nurturer’s heart; a servant’s heart; a compassionate heart.  Oh, I had other high hopes and aspirations, mind you, but nothing quite reached the high priority I had placed on those two roles.

The other thing I can tell you about myself beyond a shadow of a doubt is that I am known in my circle of friends as an over-achiever.  If I am going to do something, I am going to do it well and give it my everything; I don’t see it as a competition against other people, but more of a competition against myself.  If others could use one word to describe me, I believe the one word that would crop up time and time again would be determined.  And the area in life that I am the most determined in is the area of relationships: My relationship with God, my relationship with my family, my relationships with friends, and my relationship with the world.

Therefore, the most devastating failure of my life happened when my marriage fell apart.

I felt like I had lost my identity. I felt like I had lost direction.  I felt like I had lost my purpose.  I was humbled to my very core, and I had no idea where to turn for comfort.  In reality, as Christians, we are supposed to turn to God… and I absolutely did! However, as a married woman, I lost the companion that had been in my life for seventeen years; anyone who has ever been divorced or widowed knows that even when things are not going well in a marriage relationship, you still crave any comfort you can from your life partner, and when it is gone completely, it changes you.  Lack of human contact, once you have grown accustomed to it, becomes a source of great sorrow and loneliness.   And not only had I lost my companion, but I had also lost the 100% access I had always had to my children, which compounded that loss tremendously.

It has been six years since my divorce and I am still growing accustomed to my roles in life.   I feel as if I have a hole in my identity as many divorced people do.  I do believe that I will eventually be a wife again, but I am honestly in no hurry to adopt that identity; this time I will go slowly, I will wait patiently, and I will seek God completely.

Because I do know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God has carried me through all of the rough spots I have experienced in this journey of mine.  He has continually comforted me even when I refused to allow Him to.  He has seen me through heartaches, disappointments, and periods of anxiety and depression.  He has given me this verse which comforts me, “You must return to your God: Maintain your love and justice, and wait for your God always.” (Hosea 12:6).  So my friends, the message in all this? Keep love and compassion in your hearts, Do what is right and fair, and wait….

Wait for God to do the rest.

Catch you on the flip side,

Ang

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